Learning and Leading in Ministry: Chapter Seven

Superman is a Fictional Character

Learn human limitations.

“Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.” He flies through the air with the greatest of ease. His impenetrable skin repels knives and bullets, and can withstand raging fires and bitter cold. He has x-ray vision, infinite strength and can go for days without eating or sleeping. Best of all, he maintains his calm demeanor in the face of the fiercest enemy or most disastrous circumstances. He stays humble, kind and caring. His overarching goal is to do the right thing. His only known weakness is kryptonite, and when he gets close to that, he always manages to escape. And, none of the above is true.

The “Superman Complex”, as defined by Wikipedia, “is an unhealthy sense of responsibility, or the belief that everyone else lacks the capacity to successfully perform any task. Such a person may feel a constant need to ‘save’ others.” Sometimes called the “Christ” or “Messianic Complex”, leaders—especially those involved in ministry—frequently fall victim to this disorder. After all, when people look at you as a god, it’s quite an ego trip. Too many leaders tie on their cape to fulfill their followers’ fantasy only to find that the reality of gravity rudely trashes their flight plans. Why, then, do they try to do the impossible? The problem may lie deep within.

Listen to Max Carey, a Vietnam veteran who became a CEO.

“In simple terms, I’d always been a “stuffer.” Rather than deal with difficult emotional issues, I stuffed them deeply into my subconscious. This meant I’d stuffed all the grief and fear brought on by the horrors of combat and death. I had never told my family or employees there was anything I couldn’t do. In combat, it was “Keep up the bravado. Don’t tell anyone you’re scared or weak.” In business, it was “God forbid anyone should know you’re not perfect.” He addressed his problem through therapy. ‘One day my psychologist said, ‘Let me guess what it’s like at your company. The people are detached, they’re a little afraid of you, they do what you tell them to do, and that’s about it. You feel they’re not contributing.’ I said, ‘You’re absolutely right. What’s wrong with them?’ ‘Max,’ he said, ‘the question is what’s wrong with you?’” (Inc. Magazine, October 1988.)

If you are trying to be a superhero, you need to find out what’s wrong with you. It could be fear, pride, guilt, ego or some other problem. Don’t ignore it. You are headed for a crackup if you insist on being everyone’s indestructible champion.

At the very least, pay attention to your mortality. Only the delusional or nut cases go at full tilt without a break. God did not call any of us to abuse our bodies. Consider vacations mandatory. Give your body and brain ample rest. “Divert daily; withdraw weekly; abandon annually.” If you don’t, you will have to borrow from tomorrow’s energy. When you arrive at your tomorrow, the supply will be gone.

Learning and Leading in Ministry: Chapter Six

Differential Reciprocity.

Learn diversity.

The paper-thin walls between examination rooms let me hear my doctor talking to a patient in the adjoining room. I couldn’t make out his words, but I recognized his voice. I didn’t have a clue about the identity of the patient. Only one thing concerned me—I wanted the doc to wrap it up over there and come over to take care of me. In my book, I was the most important person on his schedule that day. If you were to talk to him, however, he might have seen everything from a different perspective. Perhaps he categorized my case (the removal of a small mole from my face) as pretty insignificant. He may have seen my appointment as the reason he couldn’t keep his tee time or his early lunch. I might have even been an expendable patient on his agenda, earmarked for cancellation if his patient load demanded it. It was clearly a case of differential reciprocity.

Pardon the big words, but they are necessary to make the point. People do not see the leader the same way the leader sees them. Therefore, followers will not reciprocate with the same mindset, motive or quality of effort. All of us have a private observation window from which we observe the vicissitudes of life. Thus, people tend to view their leaders from their own personal, one-dimensional paradigm. Just as patients like me have little concern for their doctor’s other patients, followers may not care much about the full load their leader carries. If you, as a leader, expect people to give you back exactly what you give to them—-and for the same reasons—-you will live in a state of constant irritation and disappointment.

Two friends of Jesus, Mary and Martha, illustrate this point. Jesus and his disciples were in Martha’s home to be refreshed after a difficult day dealing with the Pharisees. Her sister, Mary, was there, perhaps asked by Martha to come over and help with her house guests. Instead of helping, Mary sat at the feet of Jesus, enthralled with his ministry. Martha, on the other hand, was the consummate workaholic servant. Stressed out over her chores, she frantically raced around trying to get everything done for the event. It galled her that her doting sister, Mary, wouldn’t turn a hand to help her. Finally, she complained to Jesus.

“Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:40-42 NIV.)

Both sisters responded to Jesus in a very different manner, even though the context was the same for each. Mary appreciated the spirituality of the Master, but Martha was concerned about taking care of his physical needs and those of the other guests. Jesus’ gentle rebuke of Martha was not to invalidate her job but to prioritize it according to his agenda.

This scenario should become a hallmark principle for leaders. Followers, caught up in personal bias, narrowly defined commitment or selfish agendas, will reciprocate differentially to identical appeals put forth by the leader. If they are not careful, leaders can be pulled and bounced around by the priorities of others and allow their own leadership plan to become unraveled. Try as you might, you cannot nor should you meet the expectations of every individual follower, and you certainly cannot make it all happen at once. If you think you can, you will fail to lead. Your job as a leader does not require you to conform to your followers’ agenda but to persuade them to follow yours.

Learning and Leading in Ministry: Chapter Five

The Law of Unintended Consequences.

Learn insight.

Years ago, the United States government aided and abetted Saddam Hussein in his war with Iran by supplying enormous amounts of military equipment and training. The intention, which hindsight now confirms to be ill-advised, was to stabilize the region and keep Iran at bay. It made sense at the time, having just come through the Iranian hostage crisis. Instead of gaining long-term stability, however, we created a tyrant that eventually drew us into Iraq to face the very weapons and military machine that we built and paid for in the first place. Moreover, we still had a hostile Iran to deal with, and, to make matters worse, the rabid regime of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad menaced the world with aspirations to become a nuclear power in the first decade of the twenty-first century. It was a classic example of the Law of Unintended Consequences.

The frustrating upshot of the Law of Unintended Consequences is that today’s solutions often become tomorrow’s problems. In 1968, for instance, the state of Vermont passed legislation forbidding billboards and large signs along the roadside in the interest of keeping Vermont beautiful. Not long afterward, large, bizarre “sculptures” began to appear adjacent to businesses. A Volkswagen dealership put up an obnoxious twelve-foot, sixteen-ton gorilla, clutching a real Volkswagen Beetle. The dealer kept the letter of the law but violated its spirit. (Rob Norton, Concise Encyclopedia of Economics.)

Short-sighted objectives lead us to come up with answers to immediate problems, without a second thought for the future. How many people, for example, ever intended to become a drug addict or an alcoholic at the outset of acquiring their habit? More than likely, they simply sought a quick, easy and accessible fix to a depressing situation.

But, doing something wrong represents only one side of the problem. The other side is undoing something right. In an age that tends to laugh at the methodologies of its elders, we see a huge shift towards tearing down, loosening up, moving out and doing in the traditions of the past. When you contemplate a change, remember that change, in and of itself, has a neutral value. Whether it turns out to be good or bad depends entirely on its coefficient. A wise piece of advice from one of my elders fits well here. “Before you tear a fence down, you’d better find out why it was put up in the first place.” It may have been built to keep something valuable inside; or to keep something destructive outside; or to supply a clear definition between the two. Educate yourself about all the variables in the equation before you make a radical decision.

Unintended need not be unforeseeable. Insightful projection and careful analysis of the possible consequences paint a reasonable picture of the future and at least will minimize the risk for great harm. The key here is not to permit your personal bias for an intensely desired outcome to cause you to overlook negative elements in the plan. A glaring example is the rush to marriage by many couples. If the prospective bride or groom have their hearts set on a wedding strongly enough, they will intentional avoid asking any questions that may threaten the relationship. I have been flabbergasted by the deliberate refusal of engaged persons to ask basic questions involving felonious activity, drug addiction, psychiatric treatment—even wife beating and child abuse. They were bent on getting married and were going to let nothing stop them. I will avoid a litany of stale jokes here, but you get my drift.

Ask yourself what the impact of each action will be, and then plan for it. A wise man once said, “A well asked question is half answered.”

Learning and Leading in Ministry: Chapter Four

The Silhouette Syndrome

Learn forthrightness.

A silhouette appears when light shines on everything except the actual subject. The emerging profile yields ample visual clues and enables viewers to tell whether an object is a bird, a plane or a flower. Silhouettes of well-known images, like George Washington or Abraham Lincoln may be easily recognized, even with no direct lighting their faces. Nearly every holiday finds kids scissoring turkeys or Lincoln profiles out of black construction paper. Subtle, yet stark, demure, yet enlightening, silhouettes intrigue us. The absence of light can be as revealing as its presence.

Art project silhouettes are one thing. Silhouettes that show up in when we decline to shine the light of truth on right things are something else. For example, as citizens, we become outraged when law enforcement officers “look the other way” while patrolling crime infested neighborhoods and allow prostitution and drug dealing to go down in plain view. We complain bitterly at judges who let DUI offenders off the hook, permitting them to get behind the wheel of another car and risk the life of yet another innocent bystander. They may not realize it, but they reveal more of their core values by their silence than by their noise.

Edmund Burke said “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.” Good men who do nothing, in fact, may not be good. James 4:17 says, “Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.” Failure to do good creates a deafening silence, a blinding darkness. In Christ’s parable, the men who crossed to the other side of the road to avoid contact with the wounded traveler may have been able to write or speak at length on caring for the sick, but their failure to do something good at a critical moment exposed the content of their hearts. What they didn’t do has made a far more lasting impression than anything they did. The legacy of a hard heart, an uncaring spirit—-or even an apostate mind—-forms in the wake of those who simply decline to act. In leadership, you not only reveal your true values by the things you do, but also by the things you don’t do. Ignoring a problem may be worse than mishandling it because it looks like you don’t care about it.

Those who desire truth will not flee the flak of opposition to retreat into the safe grayness of silence. Imagine if doctors vowed to share only good news with their patients. Imagine if contractors schemed to hide the negatives and talked only about the positives of a proposed building project. Likewise, leaders who key in on safe subjects that make few waves, all the while glossing over equally critical subjects, abdicate their responsibility. Doing some good things, but omitting others will not work. Com-missions cannot compensate for o-missions. We reveal our true interests through our negatives as much as our positives. Jesus said, “Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.” Matthew 23:23. Undone matters broadcast loudly the default values of our hearts. Pentecostal sage T. F. Tenney says, “Anything that goes unpreached will soon go unpracticed.”

Learning and Leading in Ministry: Chapter Three

Let it Slide

Learn tolerance.

Many leaders today try to be perfect without being a perfectionist, never understanding that the two positions are poles apart. Leaders ought to set high standards of excellence for themselves, but they need a huge stockpile of deference and mercy for those around them. If a leader’s business does not demand perfection in every area, like accounting or engineering, he or she must learn to live with small mistakes people make. Obsessing on grammar slipups, mismatched clothing accessories or unfunny jokes earns an ogre’s reputation for a leader.

Perfectionism causes a significant drain on a leader’s effectiveness. “Our research on micromanagement, perfectionism and leadership reveals that 30 to 35% of executives succeed as managers but stumble when they find themselves in higher-level positions that require leadership and they respond with management. For this sizable group of under-performing executives, the underlying root cause is compulsive micromanagement caused by perfectionist tendencies.” (Hurley and Ryman, Fordham University .) The irony of the perfectionist leader is that by doing every single thing right, he or she does everything wrong.

Do not insist that everyone dot every “i” and cross every “t.” You will end up destroying your rapport with the very people you need to be on your side. In the people business, you have to wink at human foibles and insignificant lapses. Someone has said, “Don’t waste a hundred dollars on a ten cent decision.” Over-the-top perfectionism can become a costly business expense. Learn to let the petty things slide. Becoming irritated over a minor detail today can cause disproportionately huge problems tomorrow.

Even worse, the flip side of majoring on minors means minoring on majors. You may be pleased with yourself in perfecting the minutiae of irrelevant things, but such micro-managing will rob much needed energy from goals that are central to your ministry or business. One of the reasons that many businesses fail is that the owners spend too much money and time on frivolous projects which do not contribute to the core success of the company or do not conform to the business plan agreed upon at the startup. A restaurant owner, for example, can become so engrossed in creating dining room ambience that the quality of the food suffers. Or, a construction company can become so paranoid about employee safety that the owners turn down lucrative job opportunities because they fear the worst. Pastors can focus so much on breathtaking wedding ceremonies that they forget that the marriage is really the main event. Anytime a leader moves the peripheral to the center and forces the center to the side, disaster ensues. Do your main job first. Let everything else fall into place in the pecking order.