Christians Now Expected to Act Like Christians

In a shocking bit of news yesterday, several people were told that they “actually had to practice Christianity.” The incident occurred when some residents of the community who call themselves Christians encountered a series of outbursts from hecklers and church dissidents in a local restaurant. According to witnesses, the verbal assault included name-calling, accusations of wrong-doing, some mild cursing and threats. Minor scuffling evidently took place, consisting mainly of pushing and shoving. Some thought that one or two punches were thrown, but that could not be confirmed.

It is not certain at this time what initially provoked the confrontation. Some reports say that poor service the church group allegedly received led them to berate the servers and shift manager. Others believe that a dispute over the bill caused the scene to erupt. The remark that they ought to “practice Christianity” came from one of the police officers dispatched to the scene. The officer who claims to be somewhat of a “Bible buff” quoted several scriptures in attempting to calm down the combatants. His efforts met with vocal opposition from the church members. They openly scorned his taking the role of a preacher.

“It’s outrageous,” one of the Christians said later, in an interview. “Who does he think he is, anyway? We’ve never had to really do this ‘Christian’ thing in real life. We’re sick of this stereotype we have that, you know, we have to take whatever is dished out and, you know, ‘turn the other cheek’ and stuff like that. Well, I’ll turn another cheek alright, but it won’t be my cheek. I’ll turn his cheek black and blue if I get a chance.” The man, who declined to give out his name, was clearly agitated, pacing back and forth in front of the restaurant and repeatedly smacking his fists into his hands. An unconfirmed report was that he was one of the leading members.

“Right,” said a lady who was another member of the church and also spoke anonymously. “Our parents and grandparents were Christians all their lives and they never had to act like one. All of a sudden, here in the twenty-first century, we get this dumped on us. It is offensive, bigoted, prejudiced and motivated by hate.”

Several other church members declined to be interviewed, but threw out statements loudly enough to be overheard. “Just because we’re Christians doesn’t mean we have to take this junk,” one said. “Yeah, what about Christian’s rights?” another yelled. Some began to chant, “Justice now,” but the cries did not catch on.

Bystanders who saw the blowup develop seemed to be genuinely confused. One man told this reporter, “I don’t get it. What about all this love and forgiveness that they talk up in their churches? They ought to be the ones showing the world how to react with peace and orderliness in situations like this. Instead, they’re acting like prima donnas, like the world owes them some kind of special treatment.”

The small crowd that had gathered at the place of business gradually dispersed peacefully to their cars and left. No charges were filed pending investigation. The owners of the restaurant may still take legal action but they were not sure how or when to proceed. No word yet from the author of the Bible on his opinion.