DISBANDING POLICE DEPARTMENTS: NEWS FOR SIMPLETONS

Some say the Minneapolis City Council didn’t think this through. Partially true. Either they don’t possess the intellectual equipment to navigate the process, or they accumulated their shoddy knowledge of history and civics from liberal institutions of higher learning. It’s time someone gave them an elementary course in how law enforcement works, an undertaking which will cause their eyes to drop out of their sockets and bugs to fly into their wide-open mouths. I’m hardly the one to do the job, but, hey, I’ve gotta be better than nothing. Council member, here’s what you’re looking at:

No police department will severely hamper or stop basic court proceedings. Judges, clerks, prosecutors, defense attorneys will have little or no work to do. Without the power to arrest, detain, charge, prosecute, fine, imprison or otherwise manage lawbreakers, the court system has no functional use.

No police department will eliminate convening grand juries. Police officers provide the main testimonies for grand juries to decide to indict.

No police department will hamstring security details, prison guards, sheriff’s departments and anyone who wears a badge. In the public’s eye, they will all be lumped together as bad apples.

No police department will allow drunk drivers on the open streets and road. Who will stop them?

No police department will extremely complicate reporting car crashes, responsibility for injuries, and reimbursement for cleanup, tow truck charges, etc.

No police department will permit domestic disputes to occur without restraint. Social workers can try, but they have no ability to stop violence.

No police department means that children in unsafe homes cannot be secured or removed to a safe place. Social workers are inadequately trained or will not be capable of handling those who resist them.

No police department will mean that divorce papers, restraining orders, eviction notices, etc. cannot be served.

No police department means that the repossession business will have a more difficult time reclaiming property that has not been paid for.

No police department means peeping toms, pedophiles, stalkers, harassers, and rapists can roam freely.

No police department will negate enforcement of existing or new laws. There will be no need for city council members or legislators at any level if the laws they pass can be freely ignored.

No police department will mean that no one will answer alarms, breaches of security signals, or breaking and entering crimes. Theft, looting, vandalism, grand larceny, arson, and other crimes against property (not that they care about those things anyway, unless it’s their own personal property) can go down without so much as a protest.

No police department means that insurance companies will hesitate or deny providing coverage of homes, cars, boats, trailers, motorcycles, or other kinds of property. They will either charge exorbitantly high rates, or they will place unacceptable demands on insured objects.

No police department will make public gatherings, parades, official meetings impossible. If the city hires mercenaries, can they ensure that those providing security will have the training and authority to carry out all the responsibilities that fall to them?

In short, no police department will cause the operation of a municipality to cease performing all practical tasks. A city simply cannot function without a police department. (And I’m sure I left out a lot more jobs that exist.)

I have only one solution. Defund the city council and vote in adults to take its place.