The Life and Death of Liberals

For those who have the stomach for it, take a look at all the things liberals want. I hope and pray that this is a spoof piece.

• They want to stop us from eating chicken, beef, venison, fish and all other meat.
• They want to prohibit us from eating any fatty, unhealthy foods.
• They want to eliminate sports utility vehicles from the road.
• They want to set the agenda for all sex education in the country.
• They want to determine what goes on in the lives of American homes and families.
• They want to penalize marriage partners through imposing higher taxes on them.
• They want to supply drug addicts with clean needles.
• They want to do away with all competitive sports.
• They want industries to be one-hundred percent pollution-free or be shut down.
• They want absolutely no more nuclear power plants to be built.
• They want to ban all firearms, thus rescinding the Second Amendment by fiat.
• They want to force parents to accept a homosexual as their kid’s Boy Scout Leader.
• They want to run the national health care system.
• They want to continue legal infanticide through partial-birth abortion.
• They want to give doctors authority to euthanize the elderly, terminally ill and profoundly retarded. They want men and women to use the same unisex restrooms.
• They want to minimize or abolish the differences between the sexes.
• They want to severely limit the internal combustion engine.
• They want tree-cutting to be illegal except when they say it can be done.
• They want to impose strict environmental regulations on all private property.
• They want to wipe out as many Christian holidays as possible.
• They want to strip all quotations or mentions of the Bible from public life.
• They want to impugn the founding fathers as sexists, bigots and racists.
• They want salary caps on all workers in the management sector.
• They want guaranteed wages, set at arbitrary rates, for all blue-collar workers.
• They want to reward able-bodied non-workers with all the amenities of life.
• They want to filter all speech through politically correct standards dictated by liberals.
• They want to deny due process to any male accused of a sexual offense.
• They want everyone to wear seat belts and have airbags installed even if it kills them.
• They want to turn the military into a gigantic social experiment.
• They want the U. S. Constitution to be continually adapted to modern liberal ideals.
• They want to make it impossible for us to take risks or hurt ourselves.
• They want to prevent us from wearing fur or animal skins.
• They want to stop all drilling for oil.
• They want to stop all mining for coal.
• They want to ban cell phones so no one can get brain cancer.
• They want to prohibit any more exploration for minerals underground.
• They want to eliminate the use of any pesticides, herbicides or agricultural chemicals.
• They want to guarantee that no more species will become extinct, regardless of human cost.
• They want to stop all bad thoughts through hate-crimes legislation.
• They want to ban toy guns, plastic knives and menacing looks.
• They want to punish any six-year old from kissing a classmate on the cheek during recess.
• They want to redistribute the wealth among the citizenry from haves to have-nots.
• They want to know everything about Americans through invasive census schemes.
• They want to regulate the amount of water we use through limited-capacity toilets.
• They want to know who belongs to a church that federal agencies think may be a threat.
• They want to spy on us through cameras and bugging devices in restrooms or intersections.
• They want to control trash disposal by forcing us to recycle.
• They want us to fund their propaganda campaigns like NPR and NEA through our taxes.
• They want taxpayers to fund public education they don’t use or agree with.
• They want to deny vouchers to taxpayers to pay for education that they do use and agree with.

This only marks the beginning. Industry by industry, neighborhood by neighborhood, liberals boast innumerable ideas for change. All these curtailments on individual freedoms are either already on the books as law or in the hopper for future legislation. In their quest for a perfect existence, the liberal establishment has succeeded far beyond even their own wildest dreams. They are supremely confident that they can continue on toward their goals. If none of this bothers you, it’s only because they haven’t come down your street—-yet. Keep on ignoring their progress, and laugh off the protests of others who’ve had their freedoms stolen, and they will get to you, eventually. We’d like to help you when that happens, but we’ll probably be dead, broke or in jail.

Based upon the liberal agenda, imagine a world where they actually get what they’ve always wanted. Will they all die from glee or from depression when they understand that they can’t have more? No. They will die from the consequences of their own policy enactments. Let’s follow it out to the logical conclusion.

When liberals wake up in their fantasy world, surrealism surrounds and suffocates them. It is a cold, dark world because there are no power plants to generate electricity for heat and light. They are hungry, but there is nothing legal to eat. At least, they think, they don’t have to worry about feeding forty or fifty extra million people because abortion took care of that. But, hunger pains persist so they’ve got to find breakfast. The meager non-radiated, no-preservatives-added food they manage to find is spoiled or diseased. They can’t drive to the state grocery store because cars can’t run without nasty internal combustion engines or dirty gasoline to burn in them. They start out walking to the nearest store but without leather shoes or petroleum-based, synthetic soles, their feet quickly get sore. When they finally arrive at the commercial section of town, most of the supermarkets are be defunct because zero profit margins forced them to go belly-up. The only open store has run out of permissible food like tofu and seaweed.

Liberals try to decide what to do next, but packs of protected wolves that roam the streets don’t allow too much time for anyone think. When they hear the howls, they run to climb trees, which, thanks to them, are in great abundance. As they scamper up the trees, they do have some fear that they will be arrested for tree-harassment. But they have no alternative. They perch high up on branches, looking down with sympathy and fascination into the cold, gray eyes, the frothy snarls and the marvelous fangs that liberals saved from the evil hunters. Suddenly, some bears, whose population has also burgeoned, come charging into the area. The wolves scatter, bringing momentary relief to the liberals’ mind. Unfortunately, bears climb trees too.

Now what? Their minds begin to churn. It’s a good thing they banned all guns or they might, in this weak moment, be tempted to commit animalicide, now judged to be a worse crime than homicide, cruelly blowing the bears away with twelve-gauge shotguns. Forget the cops coming to their rescue because they are out on patrol, arresting rednecks or macho males who don’t wear seat belts. (Well, actually there are no cars to stop any more, but union contracts guarantee that troopers can still patrol abandoned highways.) Also, all the firefighters are out making sure that mandatory alarm systems, smoke detectors, sprinkler systems and fire extinguishers installed in buildings made with 100% fireproof materials in the first place are in good working order.

Then, a brilliant idea electrifies their minds. Call the criminals! They still have guns. But, wait. They know if the crooks come to rescue them, it will cost them their Rolex watches, Platinum credit cards, diamond rings and maybe even their off-shore bank accounts in Montana. But, desperation demands that they call them anyway. They then realize that they have a major problem. Cell phones had been banned some time ago. They are be comforted by the thought that they won’t have to suffer from brain cancer. What’s more, if they did incur cancer, they are glad that they don’t have to face the unpleasant prospect of long lines and waiting lists for government hospitals. In the end, they resign themselves to forced euthanasia.

Oh well, bears have to eat too.  Recycled organs, anyone?  Aren’t vultures magnificent creatures?