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Dirty Hands Mean Honest Work

Do you drive a garbage truck? Dig ditches? Clean out sewers? Bale hay? Attach doors to cars in an assembly line? Don’t beat yourself up because you have a nasty job or that you get dirt under your fingernails. Instead, be happy that you do an honest day’s work, and you are not a burden on society. In the grand scheme of things, you deserve the appreciation and commendation of your fellow citizens. 

Thieves steal the work of other men’s hands. Con artists trick people into giving them their money. Lazy persons depend on others to take care of them. Moochers take advantage of the generosity and sometimes carelessness of workers. Users bludgeon productive people with guilt and shame to get what they want. These are the parasites of society. They drag everyone else down by their indolence, both economically and socially. Their personal tragedy, however, is that they forfeit the dignity that comes from honest work. “The desire of the slothful killeth him; for his hands refuse to labor.” Proverbs 21:25 On the totem pole of job importance, desk jobs do not outrank manual labor. Let’s look at five personal benefits of working with your hands. 

Sense of accomplishment. Jobs that involve physical exertion are more apt to yield an immediate sense of accomplishment than the sedentary, key-punching types. After you’ve framed a house, poured a driveway, planted a tree, erected a fence, or welded two beams together, you can step back and look at your work and enjoy what you’ve done. Your hard work is rewarded. You can walk away and feel like you’ve done something. Sore muscles may ensue, but this is what people mean when they say, “it hurts good!” “A man shall be satisfied with good by the fruit of his mouth: and the recompence of a man’s hands shall be rendered unto him.” Proverbs 12:14  

Self-worth. Work delivers a positive psychological impact on a person, undoubtedly instilled by our Creator. When you feel like you’ve done something worthwhile, you experience a heightened sense of self-worth and self-respect. This is known as significance, or a realization that you matter, that you have your own unique identity. It springs from many sources, but physical labor contributes to that feeling in a major, tangible way. “She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.” Proverbs 31:13. Creating, building, installing, fixing something that makes a difference in someone else’s life lifts a person’s spirit. “And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you.” 1Thessalonians 4:11.  

Self-reliance. No one likes to feel helpless. From the baby’s crib, we all begin our journey to independence. We struggle to free ourselves from our parent’s arms, to walk, to run, to explore, to learn, to drive, to move away, and to establish ourselves as our own person. When you can make things happen with your own hands, you develop a sense of self-reliance. The more you can do for yourself, the less dependent you are on others for your well-being, and the less beholden you are to others for your existence. No one less a personage than the Apostle Paul illustrates this lesson. “And labor, working with our own hands: being reviled, we bless; being persecuted, we suffer it.” 1 Corinthians 4:12. “And because he was of the same craft, he abode with them, and wrought: for by their occupation they were tentmakers.” Acts 18:3. “Neither did we eat any man’s bread for nought; but wrought with labor and travail night and day, that we might not be chargeable to any of you.” 2 Thessalonians 3:8.  

Earned respect. An underlying cause for a healthy self-image is what others think of us. Some may claim that they don’t care about other’s opinions, but the truth is that all of us want to be respected. This may not mean that we are loved or even liked, but it does mean that we want others to acknowledge that we exist and that we matter. When other people in your universe of relatives and friends realize that you are a person to be reckoned with—especially with regard to your occupation—you can take your rightful place in the social structure. What you do for a living defines you in the eyes of others. 

Joy. God created us to be social creatures. We want to live in community, to have relationships with other people, to be mutually helpful to those around us. In this context, we get joy when we help others and do things that please them. This explains why workers experience a good feeling when their boss compliments them for a job well done, or why spouses love it when showing a husband or wife a finished project that turns out perfectly. Joy is the icing on the cake of relationships. 

These five reasons may elevate the worth of physical labor in the eyes of many, but an additional benefit can now be cited as well: longevity! A recent study indicates that a job that involves physical exertion is good for your health. “Now, though, the newest and largest study to date of occupational physical activity and mortality has some good news for those with physically demanding jobs. The new study, which involved almost half a million workers, finds that people whose jobs involve frequent moving and lifting tend to live longer than those whose occupations are deskbound. The results refute the idea that worktime exertions somehow are different than other exercise and instead suggest that, whenever possible, we should be on the move while on the job.” (The New York Times 07/02/21). No one should ever be embarrassed or feel inferior because they work with their hands. Indeed, you should celebrate your work as a great blessing and privilege.

Blue Collar Christians: The Bible has your back

It should come as no surprise that God loves those who work with their hands. The Creator—who formed man in His own image out of the dust of the ground—injected the same desire for creativity into the work of His hands, enabling His humans to design, fashion, build, and invent structures, works of art, and contrivances of every kind. Even a casual reading of the Bible reveals that the plan of God could not have progressed without artisans and skilled workers. 

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” Genesis 1:27  

Beginning with Adam who was assigned the role of gardening, we see that the jobs of farming, animal husbandry, construction, brick masons, metallurgists, furniture builders, tailors, food preparation—to name a few—were all vital to human civilization. Despite prejudice against manual labor from academicians and elitist types, society as we know it required industry powered by physical work. 

“And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.” Genesis 2:7  

“And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. Genesis 2:15. 

“And Adah bare Jabal: he was the father of such as dwell in tents, and of such as have cattle. And his brother’s name was Jubal: he was the father of all such as handle the harp and organ. And Zillah, she also bare Tubalcain, an instructer of every artificer in brass and iron: and the sister of Tubalcain was Naamah.” Genesis 4:20-22. 

“And Cain knew his wife; and she conceived, and bare Enoch: and he builded a city, and called the name of the city, after the name of his son, Enoch.” Genesis 4:17.  

Physical labor and the work of skilled craftsmen were needed for humankind to survive, to live together, and to form viable communities. People needed transportation, housing, farming implements, and domestic goods to live comfortably. Moreover, the production of goods and services laid the basis for trade, commerce, and the formation of an economy. As time went on, these innovations became more sophisticated and versatile, meeting the ever-increasing needs of society. None of this would be possible without manual work. 

Highfalutin concepts and fancy language couldn’t help human society to survive. People had to throw their muscle into the work to overcome the ravages of nature and the demands of daily life. It was Noah’s physical labor that perpetuated the existence of the human race. He did more than preach righteousness. With axes and planes, hammers and saws, callused hands, skinned knees, and bruised knuckles, Noah built an ark. 

“Make thee an ark of gopher wood; rooms shalt thou make in the ark, and shalt pitch it within and without with pitch. And this is the fashion which thou shalt make it of: The length of the ark shall be three hundred cubits, the breadth of it fifty cubits, and the height of it thirty cubits. A window shalt thou make to the ark, and in a cubit shalt thou finish it above; and the door of the ark shalt thou set in the side thereof; with lower, second, and third stories shalt thou make it.” Genesis 6:14-16. 

The relationship between the invisible God and visible mankind, between abstract and concrete, between spirit and flesh, intrigues every thoughtful soul. The God who created a universe without lifting a finger subjected His creation to the labor-intensive tedium of the physical realm to order life on earth. Why? Could it be that the more we invest work, sweat, toil and tears into the business of life that the greater we value what we have? Could it be that the more we use our creativity to make things that the more we love and appreciate them? Does our devotion of time, finance, and energy into our work make it more meaningful to us? Whatever the rationale behind this entire process, we live in a physical world that demands physical care. 

The preceding paragraph spurs us to think about how it applies to our relationship with God. We cannot serve God with our minds only. We cannot spiritualize our faith to exclude the physical realm. Indeed, in the Old Testament, Jehovah purposefully incorporated material and physical elements to faith and worship. 

“And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, ‘Speak unto the children of Israel, that they bring me an offering: of every man that giveth it willingly with his heart ye shall take my offering. And this is the offering which ye shall take of them; gold, and silver, and brass, And blue, and purple, and scarlet, and fine linen, and goats’ hair, And rams’ skins dyed red, and badgers’ skins, and shittim wood, Oil for the light, spices for anointing oil, and for sweet incense, Onyx stones, and stones to be set in the ephod, and in the breastplate. And let them make me a sanctuary; that I may dwell among them. According to all that I shew thee, after the pattern of the tabernacle, and the pattern of all the instruments thereof, even so shall ye make it.’” Exodus 25:1-9 

Many more instances of physical labor and material matter appear in the old covenant. Some think that these formalities became obsolete when the person of Jesus Christ appeared. Let us now, however, see if this principle carries over to the New Testament. 

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” Romans 12:1-2. 

“Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.” 1 Corinthians 3:16-17. 

It would seem, then, that there will always be a physical aspect to our service to God. Discipleship must never become a mind cult, having no real-world consequences. What we believe must impact the way we live and what we do. Otherwise, it would exist only in the abstract. As such, it would conform to an untold number of personal definitions, interpretations, and manipulations. We must remember that Jesus did not come in the abstract. He subjected his actual flesh to the torture of His oppressors, to the ignominious suffering of the cross, and to real death and the grave.

Blue Collar Christians

Most of us work for a living. Some put in eight, ten, or twelve hours a day. Some scrape the snow and ice off their cars and drive an hour to work.  Others commute to their job by bus, train, or plane. The lucky ones hop out of bed and pad across the hallway in their pajamas and slippers to their job. Some get paid by the hour; some by the job; others are salaried. Dirty jobs, tough jobs, pressure jobs, dangerous jobs—jobs of every kind.

The question is: Why? Why do we work? Money is the obvious answer, but why this job? Why these hours? Why this field? Why this company? Is it just for a livelihood or is there a transcendent, overarching reason guiding it all? Has a divine purpose placed you where you are and doing what you do? A long time ago someone told me that we are full-time Christians and part-time everything else. In light of eternity and considering the enormity of the stakes, it’s still a fundamental truth. For most of us, it just takes a while to sort it all out.

So, if the true significance of your life is not your vocation but your relationship to the Lord Jesus Christ, then your perspective on your job undergoes a dramatic shift. Your work now becomes much more than a way to make money. Gone are your reasons for complaints, gripes, and resentments. Out the window goes the feeling that you are hopelessly stuck in a dead-end job. Once you understand that you are there on divine assignment, your purpose crystalizes, and you have incentives that you never recognized before.

It could be that your job is pivotal to a bigger plan in God’s universe. It could be that you are there to reach people. It could be that you are there to serve as an example of true Christianity to your co-workers or customers. It could be that you are there so God can mold you into a better person. It could be that you are there to assist someone else in their quest to do the will of God. It could be that God wants you to see His glory and grace in a way you could not otherwise see—all because He loves you.

Are you a Noah building a boat to save a family? Are you a Joseph providing food for God’s chosen people? Are you an Esther who has come to the kingdom for such a time as this? Are you a Dorcas making life better and blessed for fellow believers? You may not know it yet, but something good is happening to you, to others around you, and to the Kingdom of God—all because you are working your job.

Blue Collar Christians zeroes in on those in blue collar jobs who often feel inferior to “white collar” workers. Society’s emphasis on a college education has created a negative attitude for workers in manual labor. “Blue-collar is a stereotype that refers to occupations involving physical labor or a skilled trade. While white-collar employees typically work in an office setting, blue-collar employees work in construction, manufacturing, mining, maintenance or other physically demanding roles.” www.indeed.com. This stereotype further implies that blue collar workers are less important, less worthy, or less powerful than their counterparts in the professional ranks.

Is the term “blue collar” obsolete? Adrienne M. Selko, of www.industryweek.com writes, “You are doing a great disservice to our industry,” he said, “by using the outdated term of blue collar. We are trying hard to attract the labor we need and using an outdated word that unfortunately conjures up images of undereducated, dirty, low paid, sweatshop jobs, is just not correct. These are high-tech jobs in clean environments, and we have to get that message out.”  Wrong. Free societies must reject a virtual caste system based upon job titles. Workers in undereducated, dirty, low paid, sweatshop jobs deserve as much respect and appreciation as do those who luxuriate in their cushy ivory towers. A community without people willing to do these jobs would be a miserable place to live.

As you read through these chapters, you will find multiple instances of situations that speak to you.  You will see yourself in other people who have the same job as yours, and in people who do different jobs but experience things to which you can relate. Not only will you be encouraged, but you will also find surprise meanings in the mundane events of life. Somewhere in your boring work-a-day world, you have an unexpected place in God’s economy.

My Opinion: This Is How Apostolic Pentecostalism Has Changed

Comparing notes with an old friend the other day, we happened (you think?) upon the topic familiar to old heads: how much things have changed.  We both have long memories of Pentecostal history.  If you factor in the age of our mentors and iconic leaders in their prime, we go back over eighty to ninety years.  Our movement may not have changed as dramatically as the secular world during that span of time, but it is different in significant ways.  I see much of the difference as impoverishing rather than improving. 

It would be easy to chew on the soft cuisine of music, behavior in church, technology, and appearance, but those subjects have been masticated on so often that there’s not much left to say—and after all the discussion, not many have changed their minds anyway.  It’s not that these areas are superficial, but if we dig even deeper, we can see even more fundamental changes in the way we do church as opposed to decades ago.  Specifically, I refer to worship behaviors, types of responses to preaching, altar services, cultivating a spiritual atmosphere in church services, teaching customs, and leadership styles.  Contrast present trends to former years and one may readily see major differences. 

To be fair, before pinpointing these differences, we need to account for the context of society-wide changes that have influenced the church and bear some responsibility for the changes. Two-income families severely limit the time that people have for church activities.  Beyond the constraints on time, mental and physical fatigue degrade the energy levels people put into worship.  At the same time, higher education has driven up expectations for deeper and more complex output from the ministry.  Also, the increased affluence of church membership has reduced the sense that people have basic needs that they formerly looked to God to supply.  Add to these differences, people have more mobility, greater access to alternative spiritual resources via the internet, increased pressure to preserve quality family time, and more possessions that demand more care.  It is a different breed of folk with different kinds of needs who populate our church congregations today. 

The following paragraphs should be taken as a general observation, not necessarily as the way things happen every time or in every circumstance.  In painting with a broad brush, one can often mischaracterize specific situations.  I concede that this may very well be the case.  Neither should these observations be considered as stinging criticisms or rejections of the modern church services.  They are only comparisons of today as opposed to yesterday.  My position is that we should not totally abandon the ways of the past.  We should strive to blend the present with our former ways.  I’m sure I will be misunderstood by some, but this is my honest attempt to accurately describe the differences between the past and the present. 

Worship.  If your point of reference for worship styles is the latter half of the twentieth century, you know a wide margin exists between then and now.  Today, handclapping (or applause), jumping en masse, whistling, and general boisterous demonstration erupts whenever people enjoy or affirm a performance.  Formerly, people would raise their hands, some would stand, and many would whisper prayers under their breath while someone would sing.  The singer or musician would often encourage people to worship with them as they sang or played.  Nothing was ever called a performance; it was considered an act of worship.  All the attention was turned heavenward.  It is difficult to describe the atmosphere during those times. A dimension of the Holy Spirit’s operation made it seem like heaven had come down to embrace the earth. 

Preaching. Today, the style of preaching is integrated with the response to preaching in terms of effect.  They feed off each other.  Preaching services often resemble a pep rally rather than a serious endeavor to lead people into the presence of God.  Earlier, people would voice their amens if they strongly agreed with the preacher. Otherwise, they would listen quietly and intently, not because they weren’t interested, but out of reverence to the Word of God.  Another aspect of preaching that has diminished today is something we used to call conviction.  Preachers would deliver their messages in such an intense, sober, and compelling way that the audience would tremble.  Sometimes, people would cry out for forgiveness, or they would get up and run or stagger to the altar.  Many times, most of the audience would flood the altar space.  

Altar Service.  The altar service, or the response time after the sermon, comes and goes quickly in today’s churches.  Sometimes, people get emotional and spend longer on their knees, but most of the time, after ten or fifteen minutes, the preacher asks people to stand for dismissal.  Back in the day, dismissal was unheard of.  People would spend up to an hour—some longer—praying, repenting, worshipping, petitioning, interceding, and more.  Sometimes a spirit of travail would sweep over the people, a season of prayer in which everyone seemed to be caught up in reaching out to God for spiritual strength, purity, and mutual care for each other.  Those who had to leave did so quietly, so as not to disturb the spirit of the service.  Some people had something we called a burden for prayer, which meant they had an issue or concern that meant a great deal to them.  Also, when it seemed like prayer was flagging, the pastor or a church leader would exhort people to persevere.  Another round of intensive intercession would follow.  No doubt that there was as much spiritual growth that happened in the altar service as at any other time. 

Cultivating a Spiritual Atmosphere.  Church services today are designed to be upbeat and positive.  They are focused and contained, and leaders guard against letting the service meander aimlessly or waste time.  Much of the time, however, services seem to be tightly controlled and geared to an agenda.  Instructions are given as to the way people are to feel, what they should reach for as a spiritual goal, and how they should respond.  Leaders press themes, goals, and attaining specific targets.  Freedom of worship is encouraged, but only during a given window of time.  

While these features are not necessarily bad, it still differs greatly from the former era.  Then, no one, not even the leader, knew the direction that the service would take.  In fact, to impose an agenda on the service was considered carnal interference or quenching the Spirit of God.  Preachers felt that they should be sensitive to the Spirit for direction.  Time was of no concern.  People were coached to wait on the Lord.  God was not to be rushed.  Long seasons of prayer, sometimes accompanied by hymns spontaneously started by someone in the congregation, would happen.  There may have been a spirit of weeping, or of laughter, or of running, dancing, and jumping.  Nothing was choreographed.  It was all unplanned and unstructured.  No one got antsy or nervous.  This was simply the expected way for services to go.  It was accepted that God was in charge and who was man to question God?  One thing for sure, people entered the service with open minds and hearts, anticipating a move of the Spirit.  Everyone felt responsible to some degree for what was about to happen as though each person was either a catalyst or a hindrance to the service.  The upshot of this freestyle church service was that the church service would often erupt into congregation-wide praise, worship, and demonstration of the Spirit.  It was a contagious experience that often jumped from one person to another, from side to side and front to back.  To some, this seemed too chaotic and disorderly.  To those who participated, it was divinely ordered, ordained by God.  Many lives were touched in these special moments, hearts were renewed, and miracles happened. 

Teaching Customs.  Discretion governs teaching topics and styles in today’s church. We make sure to steer clear of inappropriate subjects in open services, meaning anything that could be deemed offensive or confusing to visitors.  This includes dress standards, controversial subjects like gender issues, and even addictive substances or behaviors like smoking, drinking, or prescription drugs.  Years ago, preachers had no qualms about straight forward preaching or teaching on any subject, regardless of who was in the audience.  They believed that visitors with sincere hearts would respond to strict teaching.  If they didn’t understand, they would ask questions and receive the truth.  At no time would preachers hold back or circumvent righteous teaching.  That would have been considered compromise or dereliction of duty. Also, no particular effort was made to temper the presentation.  Blunt, raw handling of every subject signaled the audience that the preacher would not shun to declare the whole counsel of God. Ministers of the day believed in strong teaching, the tougher the better. 

Leadership Styles.  Today’s leadership style is collaborative, team-oriented, subjected to peer review.  Pastors suggest more than dictate.  They focus as much on prohibitive behavior as they do deliberate action.  They must not offend, they must be fair, they must be sensitive to feelings, and they must be aware of optics as much as substantive action.  All these protocols slow the process down, and although everyone may find the leadership inoffensive, they also find the results often disappointing.  Our forebears were not restricted by these rules. While being kind and benevolent, they issued orders, demanded submission, unilaterally shaped the vision for the future, and controlled the resources with near absolute authority.  Under this policy, they could shift gears on a moment’s notice, assign tasks to people with little or no forethought, and act swiftly to meet any need they perceived.  While this style favored a dictator form of government, it also greatly simplified the decision-making process and allowed the church to move forward on impulse.  Critics were either ignored or condemned.  Preachers were fond of saying, “the church is not a democracy; it is a theocracy!”  The pastor was the law, period. 

The way Pentecost used to be is hard to explain.  If you have ever stepped into a room just after a story was told that provoked delirious laughter, but didn’t know what caused the reaction, you know what I mean.  It is a case of “you had to be there.”  In those days, we experienced electrifying services, overwhelming demonstrations of spiritual power, and a feeling of being carried into a heavenly dimension where the very presence of God was palpable and amazing.  May God help us to return to those roots where our young people can understand the pure spiritual motivation that inspired their parents and grandparents. 

DO NOT LET THAT RELATIONSHIP DIE!

Kill the relationship.  Just end it.  It’s the easiest way out.  Abortion solves unwanted pregnancies; divorce stops the bleeding in difficult marriages; quitting is the quickest answer to a barbaric boss; and walking out of a relationship gone bad means instant peace.  Done.  Over with.  The end.  No more hassle.

Oh, yes. There is a caveat.  It’s pretty big.  Maybe bigger than the act of severance.  The complications resulting from terminating the relationship may haunt the soul, they may poison the well of future relationships, they may forfeit any potential benefit one might gain from the relationship, and they may cripple the will for reconciliation.  But the most egregious of all the fallout for killing the relationship is the devaluing of the person.  It’s choosing death over life.  It pronounces judgment on the very fabric of humanity itself—the infinite value of people living in community, of people loving and cherishing other people. 

Life loses its meaning without relationships.  Our earliest recollections revolve around our relationship with a mother and a father—or those who served those roles in our lives.  Then many of us had brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, playmates, school friends, teachers, coaches, and so on.  We define our lives by the interaction we had and continue to have with other people who share our space and participate in our experiences.  Our likes and dislikes, our good times and bad times, our successes and defeats, our laughter and our tears, our happiness and our sadness, our joys and our sorrows—the entire spectrum of emotions and feelings shape our psyches as products of our relationships.  Every birthday party, every Christmas, every graduation, every family reunion can only be processed and understood by the quality of our relationships. 

So, if you are following my train of thought, you are starting to understand why killing a relationship—even if it is problematic—may be devastating to everyone involved.  A relationship takes two or more people.  If you end the relationship, you not only cancel that person’s life, you also destroy whatever part of you involved that person.  Like it or not, you are a part of each other.  Separation, therefore, is a two-edged sword.  Memories of that person, his or her influences, words, instructions, character, essence of personhood—all get ripped out of your life by the roots.  Aside from the pain and bleeding, you create an irreplaceable hole, a gaping void in the shape of that unique person. 

But nature abhors a void, so you begin to fill the emptiness with something else.  What else could that filler be but anything antithetical to that person?  Hatred, resentment, bitterness, loathing, and anything negative about that person gets thrown into the void.  You recolor all the good times with anger, you reinterpret all the blessings as curses, you reimagine all the benefits as derogatory experiences.  Why? Because you have to erase the good with an equal amount of bad.  In fact, you go overboard and make that person worse than they really were in order to justify your bitterness. 

The problem is that you start to engage in hyperbole.  You begin to lie to everyone and to yourself that the person that you once loved is now the epitome of evil, the very source of all things bad.  It was probably never as bad as you now say it was.  Not only that but you dismiss any deleterious input you may have had in the problems of the relationship.  Selective amnesia, as they say.   That person was bad; you were good.  That person was the devil; you were an angel.  That person caused all the problems; you tried your best to stop it but the evil was just too much to handle.  Sometimes you waver a little because you remember that your halo slipped a time or two, but you cannot admit to it because it would make that person look too good.  Can’t have that.

So, you say, what am I supposed to do?  Forget all the bad things that happened?  Pretend as though it was all good?  No, that’s not the point.  Although reconciliation is always the best path forward, some relationships cannot be repaired and restored to mint condition.  There is a possibility, however, that all the negativity can be stopped.  Certainly, all the lying, the exaggeration, the attempt to make the other person look as bad as possible can come to an end.  To deny that possibility is to say that we should do nothing to erase hatred and bitterness—that negativity is good, or that it was all caused by the other person.  You say that you have no responsibility to alter the status quo.  You are powerless to change the world that he or she created.  It’s not your fault.  Nice try, but you are dead wrong.  If you can get your pride and stubbornness under control, there is a better way. 

DO NOT LET THAT RELATIONSHIP DIE!  (Part Two)

Okay, now is the time to stop the big lie.  Stop saying that you always knew something was wrong, that he or she was trouble, that you had misgivings about things all along.  Not one hundred percent true and you know it.  At one time, you enjoyed the relationship.  You wanted it.  You pursued it.  You even compensated for any deficits in the relationship because you wanted it to survive.  Then, something happened so big that it could not be ignored.  Cheating, unfaithfulness, abusive behavior, betrayal, compromised integrity—whatever it may have been—and you broke it off. 

We must discriminate between types and reasons for breakups.  The more intimate the relationship, the higher the emotional level, and the higher the emotional level, the more volatile the breakup.  Divorce is at the top of the list, but problems on the job, problems with business partners, problems with other related persons, broken friendships and problems with more casual relationships are also in the mix.  If the relationship involved a person who meant a great deal to you, you are going to react in a much more explosive way.  All of that is understood. 

What cannot be acceptable in this scenario is your abandonment of life’s core principles.  If you believe in the value of all humanity, if you think that each person’s worth cannot be measured, if you believe that Jesus Christ died for every single soul on earth, if you believe that absolutely no sin lies outside the realm of God’s forgiveness, then you need to back off of your condemnation of this person.  You are basically saying that your situation is the one exception to these truths.  And you cannot hide behind the pathetic statement that “I hope you can be saved.”  If you don’t act like this person can be saved, then you put your hypocrisy on full display.  Either you can go to heaven with this person or you cannot.  I won’t follow that train of thought any further—except to ask if Jesus loves that person.  If He does, then do you dare hate a person whom Jesus loves?  Do you disdain whom Jesus values?  These are fair questions.  They go to the very heart of who you are and of your relationship to Christ. 

Whenever a relationship cannot be restored to its former status, you must nevertheless continue to believe in the value of that person.  For evidence, look at the way Jesus dealt with Simon Peter and Judas Iscariot.  After Peter denied Jesus, the Master met him by the seaside and asked him if he still loved Him.  After Jesus knew that Judas had betrayed Him, he still allowed him to join in the last supper and called him “Friend.”  If animosity and rejection were ever justified, it would have been then.  Jesus offered forgiveness and restoration to Simon Peter; Judas spurned the offer of forgiveness and restoration, but it was his choice, not Christ’s.  Jesus did not descend into rancor and pure hatred of these men.  He is nothing if not magnanimous.  Even under the threat of a mortal wound, He arranged for the possibility of reconciliation. 

Pastor Ronnie Guidroz shared a Bible study with me on Cain and Abel.  Cain killed Abel, his brother, and upon God’s questioning about the murder, Cain answered with disrespectful sarcasm. “Am I my brother’s keeper?”  In an ironic twist, Cain swerved into the truth.  He was his brother’s keeper indeed.  We are all our brother’s keeper; that is the cement that holds community together.  If you and someone with whom you have been in a relationship now find yourself at odds, righteousness demands that you do the following.

1) Affirm your belief system.  Look deep within your soul and get in touch with your core beliefs.  You are not a hater, a flask of acid, a disrupter, a judge, an executioner.  You believe in the profound worth of every individual for the simple reason that he or she is God’s creation.  It’s why you are a Christian.

2) Call a truce.  A truce does not mean that you have resolved all the issues of the broken relationship.  A truce does not condone wrongdoing, nor does it denigrate righteousness and truth.  A truce merely recognizes the utter futility of hurting each other.  Nothing good is served by continuing to fight.

3) Stop hostilities.  This means to stop making word bullets.  Stop thinking up insults, stop internally justifying your contempt for this person, stop spewing out your hatred of this person to your friends, stop licking your wounds by rehashing all the hurtful things that happened.  In other words, change your attitude.  Unless you fundamentally alter your attitude, the truce will fall apart and you will be back at square one.

4) Find common ground.  Now—swallow hard—you must start acting like an adult, not someone involved in a seventh-grade cat fight.  If you share a child, if you share other relationships, if circumstances demand that you keep seeing and communicating with this person, then you must figure out how to preserve that interaction without stirring up the past.  My advice is to keep looking forward.  Do not look back, or to the side, or down.  Make new ground rules.  You must essentially create a new relationship based on a need to get along. This new relationship will make it easier to see and talk to each other because it is void of all the past conflict.  It is fragile, to be sure, but it is workable.  Eventually, the past can become dim and numb, no longer capable of exerting unbearable pain.

5) Finally, exercise love.  You may find that the foregoing steps are impossible for you to carry out.  Do not give up because this is where your relationship to God becomes your pathway to success.  Jesus will succeed where you fail.  He can do what you cannot do.  Again, the Apostle Paul explains the process.  “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” Galatians 2:19-20. 

Pastor Guidroz concluded his Bible study with this observation.  “We do not love God by going around a person whom we dislike.  We love God by going THROUGH that person!”  So, you see, God does not allow cheating.  He doesn’t play games. He does not bless a contrived or false love.  He demands truth, authenticity, reality.  Every emotion we have will be put to the test.  And when you do it God’s way, you know you end up with the real thing. 

Do not kill the relationship.  It is valuable, significant to your personhood, and it will keep you from destroying yourself and everyone else in your universe of relationships.  Moreover, you may find that, strangely, it will become the measure of your relationship to God.  

Evil Surmisings

“He is proud, knowing nothing, but doting about questions and strifes of words, whereof cometh envy, strife, railings, evil surmisings.”

Ineffable.  Indescribably stupid.  Beyond maddening.  I’m talking about ideas that have no basis in reality yet are dogmatically believed by the speaker.  Demonstrably wrong thoughts that enjoy total, breathtaking affirmation.  That’s when you know something is going on outside the realm of reason, a spirit, a spell, a curse, twisted logic so tangled that it would stump a pomposity of psychiatrists.  Now we’re roaming around in the ballpark of evil surmisings.

Blame it on maturity, ripening, the passage of time, whatever, but off-the-cuff remarks start to mean something later in life.  For example, it’s a vague memory, but a friend of my father used to greet him with, “Hey, Vic!  What do you know for sure?”  The addition of those two little words, “for sure,” immediately limited all possible responses.  My dad knew lots of things, but he wasn’t necessarily willing to say that he knew them for sure.  He usually answered, “Not much!” Yet, for most of us, a giddy, unrestrained willingness to blab and gab whatever we think exists, even if we don’t know it for sure.  Paul had a term for it.  He called it “evil surmisings.”

When you suppose something is true without any confirming evidence, you are surmising.  It might be because you have a predisposed mindset toward the subject in question.  If you already think that a person is a bad actor, then it’s a small step to suspect that he or she is guilty of wrongdoing.  In fact, surmisers can be so convinced of their surmising that should any evidence come to light pointing to innocence, they are more likely to discount the evidence than to doubt their surmising.  Likewise, if they believe that a person is good, they may wave off any condemning evidence as lies or hearsay.  An owned misconception defies the strongest of attempts to disprove it.  And therein lies the evil in surmising.  When you believe something bad about someone good, you turn justice on its head.  Truth suffers when evil hearts reign.

Evil surmising discriminates for indefensible reasons. The process is perverted, but simple.  Here’s how it works. The purpose of compiling evidence is to lead to a conclusion, right?  So, if we surmise the conclusion of the matter, then the evidence is unnecessary.  Take the area of racial discrimination.  A white racist believes that a black man charged with theft is guilty because he is black.  A black racist believes that a white man is guilty of racial prejudice because he is white.  According to that thinking, aA Mexican man is lazy because he is Mexican; a German man is power hungry because he is German; a Chinese man is dishonest because he is Chinese.  None of these views is factually true, but evil surmising considers them true anyway.  Thus, we see the formation of prejudice at its core.  Evil surmising, in fact, revels in prejudice.

How does evil surmising fare against the concept of love?  Not good.  To engage in evil surmising eviscerates the essence of love.  The two cannot coexist.  A person cannot surmise evil and still exercise the attribute of love.  This is abundantly clear from Paul’s writing in his first epistle to the church in Corinth, one of the greatest expositions on love in any language.  “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”  1 Corinthians 13:4-7.  Let’s flesh this out.

Pardon the over-the-top negativity of this paragraph, but it has to be said.  Evil surmising is intolerant, visceral, impulsive and cruel.  Evil surmising reveals an openly rude, even vulgar attitude.  Evil surmising refuses to understand the agony or pain of the other person because it is focused—even obsessed—only in its personal, internal feelings.  It gets insanely furious at the smallest hint of resistance or disagreement with its mindset.  Evil surmising considers no other motive for the other person’s action than vile, disgusting behavior.  Evil surmising resists truth, rejoices in destructive and deadly outcomes, and believes the worst. 

I doubt that one can escape evil surmising incrementally, one logical step at a time.  It must be bludgeoned to death by love.  Strange way to put it, I know, but it’s the only thing that makes sense.  If three positive emotions live—faith, hope, and love—then the greatest of these must flex its muscles. 

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” 

1 John 4:7-11.