Junior High Journalism 101

Methods for Modern Mediacracy

I am so appalled at the barefaced propaganda that passes for journalism today that I have tried here to articulate the rules that evidently guides current politically-driven reporting. I apologize to Junior High journalism students for the negative aspersions, but they do not know any better. The sorry reporters that daily insult the intelligence of average adults know exactly what they are doing.

1. If you dislike what an opponent says or does, but you must maintain an air of objectivity, quote his enemy.
2. Deliberately misquote an opponent and apologize later in small print.
3. If an opponent gives an hour-long speech, there are 3000 to 6000 words to report on. It should be easy to select something that will make him look bad.
4. Re-define any ambiguous terms your opponent uses to subtly change his meaning.
5. If your opponent’s speech is really good, ignore it and report on anything negative about his person that you know or can dig up.
6. Print unflattering pictures of your opponent whenever available.
7. Whenever possible, create a situation which draws your opponent into controversy.
8. Become skilled in the use of value-laden synonyms which have strong positive or negative connotations. Use the positive word for persons and situations you support; negative words for persons and situations you oppose.

9. Situation              Positive Word     Negative Word
   Facial expression   Smile                        Sneer
   Sitting posture       Relaxed                   Slumped
   Demeanor             Confident                 Defiant
   Tone of Voice        Clear                        Cutting
   Appearance          Well-groomed           Dressed out
   Mood                     Playful                     Impish
   Stumped               Thoughtful               Stalling
   Astute Remarks    Intelligent                Rehearsed
   Composed             Prepared                 Scripted

10. If your opponent has reversed his position, show how he waivers.
11. If he has not reversed his position, point out his intransigence.
12. Report on any unsavory associates of your opponent’s.
13. Question the motives of your opponent, regardless of how benign the situation may be.
14. Since you know that the headline is more important than the story, pick something negative about the story and put it in the headline, even though the story does not warrant it or even contradicts it.
15. When you cannot possibly ignore something good your opponent does, overpower it by printing something positive about your ally.
16. Never print a picture of your opponent when you have an opportunity to print one of an ally.
17. Since the position of a story or a picture on a page is very important, reserve the top right on an odd page and top left on an even page for stories about your allies.
18. In an interview, bait your opponent with inflammatory or calculated words that will translate well into damaging sound bites.
19. Question every fact cited by your opponent as though it is trumped up, even if you know it to be true. E.g., “he claimed that the sky was blue.”
20. When an opponent seems to be winning an argument, change subjects quickly.
21. Always test your opponent’s temper. Something will anger him, and when it does, you have your story.
22. Never forget that you have the power to describe any situation that seems to be strictly a news item according to your own agenda and ideology.
23. Never let your opponent define terms or truth for you.
24. Make people guess whose side you are on. You have a 50% or better chance of fooling them.
25. Feel absolutely good and justified by your slanted reporting because, in your heart, you really know you are right anyway and your opponent is wrong.