Learning and Leading in Ministry: Chapter Ten

Get Help.

Learn humility.

So, you’ve made a mess of things. You overspent, underachieved, overcharged, under funded and you’re overwhelmed. You miscalculated, mishandled, mistook and misread. You started when you should have stopped and stopped when you should have started. Cold, clammy fingers tighten around your throat and nausea roils your stomach. You have no clue what to do. If this gets out, you’re toast. Now, you sit with your head in your hands or pace around the room looking mindlessly at the same pictures on the wall, racking your brain for a solution. Exercise great caution here! The same thinking that got you into your mess may also keep you from getting out of it. It is time to do what you hate to do the most: ask for help.

Typical of this sentiment is NBC’s Tim Russert’s dad, affectionately known as “Big Russ.” In an interview for a series to address caring for elderly parents, this exchange occurred between the son and father.

Tim Russert: You got a great team.
(Narration) Now, at 83, Dad has slowed down. Still, he won’t ask for help and won’t consider a retirement home.
Russert: When I tried to talk to you about going to the assisted living place, you wouldn’t get out of the car.
Big Russ: Nah, nah, don’t get them going. They’ll be calling me up.

Maybe, for a proud man who is struggling fiercely to maintain his independence in his waning years, refusing to ask for help seems wryly amusing. For a leader whose bad choices and ignorance of circumstances have led to disaster, however, nobody’s laughing. Unfortunately, it is an error that crops up far too often.

“Well, one of the problems (among many others) was this: People rarely ask questions. We rarely ask others for help–sometimes because we don’t know there’s a better way (how would I have known I was cutting the onion wrongly?)–and sometimes for other reasons like preserving our ego. I’m not the only one to point this out: A survey asked corporate employees what the #1 networking mistake was. Guess what it was? Not asking for help!” (Ramit Sethi, www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com).

Never despise asking for help. Nearly every failed leader I’ve met has admitted that he or she should have called for help as the critical point of the crisis approached. Pride and stubbornness, however, sabotaged their better judgment. This next statement may seem brutal, but they chose to betray their followers’ futures rather than show their personal weakness. Ultimately, not calling for help is an ego thing.

Your solution may be one call away. Pick up the phone. Do it now. The longer you stubbornly cling to a losing strategy, the more invested into defeat you will become. Sacrifice your pride in order to save your people. Help is out there if you will go get it.