Learning and Leading in Ministry: Chapter Twenty-Two

Assumptions Are Dangerous

Learn communication.

During rush hour on August 1, 2007 , the I-35W bridge over the Mississippi in Minneapolis , Minnesota collapsed, plunging dozens of cars and riders into the river. The disaster caused a huge traffic snarl, called public infrastructure into question, and created a public outcry. But not one driver has been faulted for negligence in driving over the bridge without first making sure it would bear the weight of an automobile. Why? Because, as drivers, we rightfully assume that architects and engineers designed the bridge to carry the load. Such assumptions are necessary risks. In routine living, we have to take a whole lot for granted or else we would be immobilized by checking everything out before we act. Do you want to verify that every bridge you cross on the highway will hold you up? Do you want to lab test every bite of food you get in a restaurant? No. We can make reasonable assumptions about many things in life.

By definition, however, assumptions are dangerous. To assume means to believe something without proof or investigation. In leadership, we assume that people know what we are talking about. We assume that they share the same goals as ours. We assume that they know the basics of a plan or project before we turn a job over to them. We assume they listen, they think, they understand and that they will follow the rules. Leaders need to grasp the fact that they can rise or fall on the validity of their assumptions.

While we cannot guarantee one hundred percent accuracy, the best defense against false assumptions remains thorough communication. Anything that you believe to be critical to a project or plan must not be left to the vagaries of assumption. People cannot read your mind. If you are curious about what can go wrong if you walk away from a situation without dispensing a complete plan from stem to stern, just go online and Google Murphy’s Law. My favorite version is this: “If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. (Extreme version: If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the FIRST to go wrong.)” Then, there is the 344^th Law of Communication. “The inevitable result of improved and enlarged communications between different levels in a hierarchy is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding.” It’s not quite that bad.

There are several reasons why leaders fail to communicate comprehensively. They have already thought through the plan and mentally, they have projected themselves beyond it. They overestimate the ability of their subordinates to understand the process. They become impatient, bored, overanxious or feel pressured by a deadline. Or maybe, they themselves don’t know what they’re talking about and they hope their subordinates can figure it out!

Communicate more than you think is necessary, and always leave open the possibility to explain even further.  If you make your people feel stupid for asking questions, you cut your own throat. The more they know, the better they can produce the work. In addition, tell why you want them to do something, not just what you want them to do. You increase the value of your followers when you include them in the whole reasoning process.

In leadership, your best assumption is to assume nothing until you know enough about your people.

Learning and Leading in Ministry: Chapter Twenty-One

Be Real

Learn honesty.

Kid McCoy got hit hard during a boxing match and pretended to be injured, drawing his opponent in and counterattacking him. McCoy, the USA champ in the welterweight division from 1898-1900, so surprised everyone with his move that the announcer supposedly asked, “Which is the real McCoy?” This is only one of several legends grown up about the origin of the well-known phrase, which makes one wonder if this tale is the real McCoy.

Lack of authenticity is the nemesis of a good conscience. The gap between the ideal and the reality might be called the phoniness quotient. You know who you are supposed to be but you struggle to match it up with who you really are. No less a figure than the Apostle Paul fought the same battle. “I do not understand what I do,” he wrote. “For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me…For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” (Romans 7:15-18 NIV). An unlikely confession from the greatest Christian who ever lived…or maybe, not.

Paul, after all, was nothing if he wasn’t honest. We talk in glowing terms about his considerable accomplishments, but he had another side to him. He had bad eyesight, a squeaky, irritating voice and his small stature give him a rather unimpressive physical presence. He got crossways with Simon Peter, he was difficult to please, and he couldn’t get along with the mild mannered Barnabus. He prayed prayers that God refused to answer, preached unproductive sermons, suffered resounding defeats in major missionary endeavors and failed to convert a number of people whom he specifically targeted for the gospel. At certain points in his ministry, he dropped out and went to work as a tentmaker.

These are not sour grape criticisms from Paul’s detractors. We know these things about him because he admitted them himself. In his own self assessment, he concluded that he was less than the least of all saints. But, these conspicuous weaknesses do not diminish him in our eyes. Rather, the fact that he reveals them himself further endears him to us, giving him far more credibility than if he had glossed over them. Herein lies a primary principle of life: the unvarnished truth always earns more respect in the long run than manipulation of the facts.

Brutal honesty does not mean we have to be offensive, or that we should hang out our dirty laundry for all the world to see. It does mean that any behavior that is intended to make people believe a sham is disingenuous. Leaders, by virtue of their position, come under the microscope far more than laity. Leaders must not only be right, they must project the appearance of righteousness as well.

Be real. If you don’t know something, don’t say you do. If you can’t do something, don’t say you can. You may not particularly like who you are, but you will always make a lousier somebody else. Maybe you don’t have much else going for you, but your insistence on being the genuine article will make up for whatever you lack.

Learning and Leading in Ministry: Chapter Twenty

You Do Have to Please Somebody

Learn implementation.

You can’t please everybody. That’s the conventional wisdom, not to mention common sense. Principled leaders whose reputations fuel the history books supposedly have always followed this sage advice. We assume they did the right thing because it was right, regardless of who was for or against it. Before you grab this and run, however, understand that, while you might not be able to please everybody, you’ll never get anywhere without pleasing certain people. You sure don’t want to dis-please everybody. In fact, the cost of displeasing even a few certain individuals may be suicidal. Sound complicated? It might be, but implementing a brilliant plan can be more critical to the ultimate success than conceiving the plan in the first place.

Here is the scenario. You have a vision that promises to revolutionize the world—at least your world. Your eyes light up and you get animated with excitement as you begin talking about it. Then, responses start trickling in and to your surprise, you look into expressionless faces, raised eyebrows and even a few sneers. The slow burn begins. In your gut, you know you’re right, but the opposition seems too formidable to be overcome. Time for a decision. Do you railroad the idea through because you know it’s the best thing to do, or do you step back and figure out if, when and how it can be done? Forcing a good plan into becoming a reality before factoring in all the caveats can be tragic. Even the greatest ideas in the world have to be sold.

For example, who would dispute the basic concept that national security is a great idea? President George W. Bush and his administration discovered, however, that hammering the idea into a workable, acceptable plan posed insurmountable problems. Do we profile terrorists? Should we spy on American citizens? Are we right to deny due process to American citizens whom we have arrested as enemy combatants and imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay ? Implementation challenges like these underscore the difficulty of making an idea—even a noble one—translate into a practical reality.

Implementing a plan comes down to “political calculus,” a term politicians and government types use to chart the path of an idea from inception to the done deal. “Government acts only when key individuals within that government find their political arithmetic works.” www.affordablehousinginstitute.org The following questions are critical to the process: Do you have enough influence to make it happen? Will you have to do trade-offs? What will it cost you to win? What will it cost you to lose? Can you persuade people to commit to the idea? What will be the benefit of the plan?

Machiavellian overtones aside, wise strategists cannot afford to spurn the implementation process. Sources for financial backing, moral support, good will and enthusiastic commitment have names and faces. They have feelings, leanings, ambitions and convictions. They have reputations and families. Righteous causes poorly managed can turn into colossal failures.

Pleasing the right people cannot and must not mean sacrificing your convictions. It does mean that no leader operates in a vacuum or that people are immaterial to the cause. You must work with people, through people and for people (and, yes, around some people) to achieve your ultimate objective of helping people.

Learning and Leading in Ministry: Chapter Nineteen

Eschew Arrogance

Learn objectivity.

“I think you ought to know something about me. I can dish it out, but I can’t take it!” This attempt at a joke by a friend of mine is actually way too true for a lot of people. Sharp tongues always seem to go with touchy feelings. The ability to take criticism, however, serves as a hallmark for learning. If the criticism hits the mark, be thankful because you have learned something. If it is off target, you can at least be glad for passing the test with flying colors. Why, then, do most people jump on the defensive when they hear criticism? Because they cannot personally disengage themselves from the process long enough to achieve objectivity. Subjectivity may affirm your feelings, but objectivity leads to substantive improvement.

Take it from me, a reluctant critic who has too often been coerced into the position. My life in ministry has thrown me into the unenviable roles of a critic, a judge, a mentor and confidant. I’ve had to reprimand church members for a wide range of misbehaviors, I’ve had to criticize spouses on the job they were doing as a husband or wife, I’ve had to score tests and grade essays as a teacher in our Christian Academy, I’ve had to critique sermons for prospective ministers and I’ve had to deal with licensed ministers who suffered a lapse in their professional conduct. As unpleasant as the job is, I can tell you that my goal has always been to repair, restore, edify and to add ultimate value to the subject of my disapproval. Furthermore, I save my most passionate criticisms for those whom I believe have the most to gain. I want them to do well because they have great potential for success. On the other hand, if I feel that an individual will pay scant attention to my words, I am likely to save my breath.

Many people know that Jesus had a close relationship with his disciple, Simon Peter, but Bible scholars know that Jesus reserved his most scathing reproof for this same disciple. It came on the heels of Peter’s confession that Jesus was indeed the Christ. Jesus then went on to break the news that he would be crucified, prompting a vehement protest from Peter. Jesus said to him, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.” Matthew 16:23. In a few short moments, Peter fell from a divine commendation to a stinging rebuke. Jesus took this liberty to chastise Peter so strongly because he knew what lie ahead and that Peter would be major player in the establishment of the primitive church. Indeed, on the Day of Pentecost, Peter became the spokesman for the disciples and led the church through its instantaneous growth, its first persecution, its initial organizational form and he broke down the racial barrier that kept the Gentiles from joining the church.

Contrast this with Jesus’ interaction with Judas. Aside from one veiled reference to Judas as a traitor (Matthew 6:71), Jesus issued no rebuke to him. Even on the night of the Passover supper, Jesus gave a morsel of bread to Judas and bade him to do his deed quickly. The other disciples had no idea what this all meant. Jesus, however, knew that Judas had already committed himself to betrayal. Constructive criticism would have been a lost cause.

Arrogant rejection of criticism means a lost learning experience. Welcome it. Don’t permit defensiveness, insecurity or subjectivity to classify criticism as an attack. It is far better to be humbled and corrected like Simon Peter than to evade your critics and continue down the pathway of failure.

Learning and Leading in Ministry: Chapter Eighteen

Control Your Own Spirit

Learn yourself.

A well-know rule of the legal profession states that a lawyer should never ask a witness a question without already knowing the answer. An overconfident attorney who presumes to know more than the facts permit may ask a careless question and risk getting an unanticipated response that can blow a case to smithereens. In ministry, it is extremely dangerous for a leader to breeze into a situation without understanding how he or she may react to a given problem. Hidden agendas, surprise attacks and irrational outbursts can come out of nowhere to stun an unwitting leader. Unknown factors always have the potential to touch a nerve and elicit inappropriate responses from people, including the leader.

Several years ago, the matriarch of a large family in the church I pastor went into emergency surgery with the assurance of success. Something went wrong on the operating table, however, and she did not survive. When I arrived at the scene, over forty of her distraught children, grandchildren, siblings and other relatives had flooded the waiting room, and the place was in an uproar. Some were screaming, some were crying, some were praying in a shrill voice, and others were shouting angrily at the health care personnel. The doctor stood silently, his eyes darting around the room and his lips bluing with a twinge of fear. He couldn’t have been happier to see me. My long association with the family gave me the ability to quell the uprising and when they quieted down, the doctor gave his report and quickly vanished. I stayed and dealt with each of the emotions and reactions until the group dispersed. Had I encountered this problem early on in my ministerial career, I may not have succeeded. But, my ministry style developed over a forty year span of experience prepared me for situations like this, in part because I knew how I would react.

Merely being a leader does not exempt you from negative emotions like anger, touchiness, bad temper, mood swings, impatience or prejudicial feelings. Raw, human passion comprises the personality of a leader as much as any other person. If anything, these traits can become amplified in leaders. This is a critical observation because ministry leaders get pulled into a cross section of volatile situations that can push all of their buttons at once. Disasters are likely to happen when leaders do not take the time to recognize their human weaknesses and examine their own reactionary tendencies. For example, if you go berserk when you catch someone in a lie, or if you lose it when someone shouts an obscenity at you, or if you become disgusted with a drug addict who has ignored your counsel for the twentieth time, then you are destroying your own ability to help. When you face the worst in human behavior, you must respond with your best in leadership.

The key to knowing yourself is found in the title to the chapter: control. Envision a steering wheel fastened to each problem you encounter. Reach out and take hold of it. When you grab it, you will have a sense of control that will make the matter manageable. Self-knowledge or knowledge of the circumstances are helpful only to the extent that you can take control over the wheel.